Reflections & Musings

Many times each day, I pass by the bookshelves in our family room. In addition to books and knickknacks, I see framed pictures of our family. Some are pictures taken on a vacation, some are pictures taken during the holidays and a couple of them were taken at restaurants when we were out for a special meal. I cherish these pictures as they bring back many happy memories. These pictures were taken with a regular camera as cell phones did not have camera capabilities. Some da

Like so many others that have been on the news these last three days, I want to extend my sympathies to the families in Texas who have lost loved ones. I know first-hand the pain and sorrow of losing a child. The pain may become less intensified over time, but the grief is always there. But another emotion that comes bubbling up in me is anger. Anger at politicians who blame the schools for not doing enough to stop the mass shootings. Anger at the stronghold that the NRA ha

I’ve been reading the book, “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief” by David Kessler. It’s been an interesting read, and I find that there are parts that I really like and some parts I would question. I would welcome anyone who reads it, to give me your thoughts.

The other day, my daughter, husband and I were eating dinner at an Italian restaurant. I noticed a tattoo of a white snowy owl on the arm of our server. It extended along the inner arm, from the elbow down to her wrist and was beautifully done. When I asked the server about her tattoo, she said that it was in honor of her daughter who died. On the night that she died, the family saw a white snowy owl outside of her daughter’s bedroom window. When I attended a grief supp

The holidays have come and gone and quite frankly, I’m glad they’re over. For years, when I was growing up, Christmas was a wonderful, magical time of year. Decorated tree, presents, Santa, stockings all led up to the anticipation of Christmas Day. The "big day" entailed presents to be opened. Stockings to explore. Scrumptious meals. Church and singing Christmas carols. But this year seemed so very different to me. The pandemic altered family get togethers. No large parti

Recently, the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization in our city requested twenty grief bags for their clients and staff. The representative that contacted me explained that several staff members as well as several clients had recent deaths in their families, and she thought that it would be nice to give them a Lisa’s Legacy grief bag. She asked for our bags for children, pre-teens, teens and adults. She suggested that five bags for each age group would be great. As Lisa’s

This year, I have been to four family funerals. Two aunts, one uncle and the husband of a cousin. Four funerals in one year is not so unusual for someone my age. What was unusual was that I was not physically present for the funerals. They were livestreamed. The funerals were over 500 miles away, and during this time of covid, it would not have been a good idea to travel to the funerals. However, seeing the funerals livestreamed made me feel connected and it was the next b

Murder, mystery, and strong characters who are easy to identify with make up the 509 Crimes series. The setting is in the state of Washington, east of the Cascade Mountains. Each book is a stand-alone story, but the author, Caleb Conway, deftly weaves some of the same characters into each of the six books as the common denominator is the Spokane Police Department. I’m currently reading the third book. So far, each book has two murder mystery plots worthy of many good who-done

A Lisa’s Legacy Ambassador is a person who has been identified as a caring and compassionate person. One who has a lot of empathy for those who are grieving. In addition, they have a desire to help people. The ambassadors keep two Lisa’s Legacy bags on hand at their home, ready to give when they have an occasion to use them. They are supplied with an adult grief bag and a bag for children with items that could go in a child’s grief bag. The item

When my husband and I were attending a 25 year celebration of the Children’s Grief Center, I asked a fellow attendee and friend how they were able to move forward after their son’s death. Their son had died eighteen years prior and we were only three years past our daughter Lisa’s death. We were still hurting a lot and I wondered if it would always be that painful. His response was not only encouraging, but a good analogy. He said that there will always be a hole in your hear

The other day, a friend was telling me how she used to dread Mother’s Day. She was a young mother with two children under the age of 5---a four year old and a 13 month old. She was also divorced shortly after the birth of their second child. Her parents lived in another state. On Mother’s Day, there was no one there to acknowledge or celebrate the special day. That blue feeling continued for several more years until her first child was attending pre-school where he made handp

What happens when there’s…little or no grief? A friend recently told me “ I feel sadness, but not grief over the death of my father”. He and his dad don’t live in the same state. They did not have a close relationship. His father was always busy with work, travel, hobbies and his friends. My friend continued to share that his dad didn’t do a lot of “parenting” unless it was for show----attending his son’s ball games and large family gathering during holiday. Parent-te

Often, the loss of a loved pet is like losing a family member. They were loved and they brought love and joy. They brought comfort when a person was feeling down. They were someone to talk to, sharing joys and disappointments The pet could be a source of entertainment. Whether chasing after a ball, swatting at a toy or trilling a melodic song, they brought happiness. Sometimes a pet may have a unique trait that always brings a smile to its owner. Some such traits might inclu

This blog is not going to be about politics, although it is going to be about the president, Joe Biden. Over the past months, I have watched a lot about him on tv. One thing that I felt a kinship with him is when he talks about losing his son Beau. I remember Joe Biden saying at one point, “ I wish Beau were here to see this”. There have been so many times that I have thought the same thing about Lisa. I wished that she was here to see whatever was taking place in my life. It

It’s been five years now since Lisa died. Sometimes a person can chose to evoke a memory and other times a memory just kind of sneaks in unexpectedly. Those surreptitious memories seemed to have happened with me a lot this year. They didn’t necessarily make me sad or maudlin. It was the frequency that surprised me. I’d like to share some of the things that occurred, leading up to and including Christmas, on this blog. I’d welcome any insights that you may have after reading i

Dear Parents and Caregivers of children, Kudos to you for taking the time to bring comfort to a child during a time of grief. It is so meaningful to have someone talking with them about death and grief. The items in this grief bag are meant to help a child cope with the death at their level. If you are using a Lisa’s Legacy bag for the very young children (white ribbon) you will find a book entitled “The Goodbye Book” which may help to give a name to the emotions and though

A grief burst can be described as a time when something occurs that causes a wave of grief to wash over a person when it is least expected. Grief bursts may take place any time after the death of a loved one, and bring an onslaught of emotions such as sadness, surprise, peace or resentment. Recently, I have been participating in a five week book study group on Zoom with my church. It’s called Life Pursuits and it focuses on how memories, milestones and transitions in life eff

Grief is sort of like a chronic condition. Once you get it you will always have it. It can be managed and treated. But it will never go away. You can never be cured. At best you can learn to cope. At the worst it will consume you. Grief is truly pent up love. It is the love we cannot give away because they are no longer here. If we can learn to slowly and gently pour that love upon our memory of them, gradually the pain grows less as we nourish their memory and it grows str

The mission of Lisa’s Legacy is to support someone who is grieving. The bags help to reach out to someone who is suffering from a loss. People respond to someone offering them a grief bag and often are open to meeting with the giver of the bag. That’s where the compassionate conversation can take place. Our minister came to call on us at home the day that Lisa died. Lisa’s minister from Michigan called us on the phone a day or two after she died. While they both offered comf

Why Didn’t We Think of This Sooner? Recently, Lisa’s Legacy was applying for a grant from an organization that has a focus on young children. My sister said, ”why don’t you make a grief bag for young children?” That was an epiphany! Since the inception of Lisa’s Legacy, we have used items for the bag that were geared towards an adult---adult coloring pages, journal, notecards, tea etc. But quite often, when a death occurs, the adults may be consumed with the busyness of th