Little or No Grief

What happens when there’s…little or no grief?

A friend recently told me “ I feel sadness, but not grief over the death of my father”. He and his dad don’t live in the same state. They did not have a close relationship. His father was always busy with work, travel, hobbies and his friends. My friend continued to share that his dad didn’t do a lot of “parenting” unless it was for show----attending his son’s ball games and large family gathering during holiday. Parent-teacher conferences were the obligation of his mother.

But my friend was also feeling guilty about not experiencing much in the way of grief after the death. I reassured him that everyone does grieving differently and that he should not feel guilty. No one else had the same life experiences as my friend has had and so he should not be concerned with what others are expecting him to feel.

It may help to broach the subject with other trusted family members. They may be feeling the same way. Or they may have seen a whole different side of his father when he was younger. It may offer some comfort or at least more understanding of how his father came to be the person he was in adult life.

I am not a trained professional by any means, but I have experienced different levels of grief, depending on who had died and what my relationship with that person was. The closer the relationship, the more extensive the grief.