When my husband and I were attending a 25 year celebration of the Children’s Grief Center, I asked a fellow attendee and friend how they were able to move forward after their son’s death. Their son had died eighteen years prior and we were only three years past our daughter Lisa’s death. We were still hurting a lot and I wondered if it would always be that painful.
His response was not only encouraging, but a good analogy. He said that there will always be a hole in your heart, but eventually, those sharp, jagged edges that tore your heart apart and cause pain, will smooth over. It’s a little like water running over a sharp stone, the stone remains, but those edges become smoother over time.
We are now five years past Lisa’s death and I no longer cry when I hear a hymn that was sung at her funeral. I no longer get a stomachache when I think of her dance recitals that occurred at this time of year. But I still grieve on her birthday, which will come up at the end of this month. I still drink from the coffee cup that she gave me on days when I’m missing her a lot. It feels like those jagged edges in my heart might be getting a little smoother.