Reflections & Musings

Ever since our Lisa died, I try to imagine where she is. I firmly believe that she is in Heaven. No question! But what is Heaven like? Within a couple of weeks after her death, I went to the library to check out books on Heaven to see if I could find out. Maybe it was too soon, maybe I should have gone to my church to look so that the prose would be more aligned with my religious beliefs or maybe I just didn’t get the right books. I only read a few pages in two of the eight b

Because my grandfather’s funeral was two days before school started, my parents arranged for us to stay with friends while they traveled half way across the country for the gathering. Because my other grandparents lived into their 90’s, I grew up never having attended a funeral. I did not have to deal with death, funerals and grief until after I in my 20’s and married. Because of that lack of dealing with bereavement, I was unsure of what to do when someone had a loss of a lo

Many families enjoy the same Fourth of July traditions year after year. Maybe the tradition is a large family gathering for a picnic in a park. Maybe it’s a trip to a nearby lake for swimming and boating. Still others like to attend a parade. And for yet another group, this is the only summer holiday, so it might be spent sleeping in and getting caught up on home or yard projects. And, of course, watching fireworks is often a memorable holiday experience. When I was growing u

Weeks and months after the funeral of a loved one, the rest of the world seems to be back to their normal lives, yet one who is in deep grief usually is not ready to return to normalcy. Something that weighed heavily on my mind is that I didn't want others to forget about our daughter Lisa. She touched the lives of so many others, helping them, guiding them, making them laugh. Maybe not to the same degree as my husband, older daughter and I, but I want to believe that ext

In a previous blog, I wrote about our grief support group leader. She was about my mother's age, which put her in her late 70's/early 80's if I could venture a guess. So I was kind of shocked when she asked one of the attendees to tell about his tattoo. My Mother was of a generation that didn't really approve of tattoos, and I just assumed that our leader probably felt the same way as Mom. How wrong I was and I came to admire the fact that she did ask people about their ta

Our sessions with the grief counselor have ended. Now what? My husband, daughter and I were barely able to face the world, barely able to get back to our routines. My husband and I are retired, but still, we had our routines. My daughter was back at work. But I felt that I needed more help to get through this awful grief. Late one night, as I was reading on the couch, I glanced over at the bag that our friend brought when she called on us a week after Lisa's death.

I'm really NOT liking grief bursts! I didn't even know about them until Lisa's death. My interpretation is that they are an experience that brings on a reminder of the loved one who has died when you're not expecting it. A person seems to be in a stage of grief after the death, but something happens that causes an extreme emotional response of grief or burst of grief. I had one in the grocery store. I was shopping along, loading up my cart when the canned music pla

The words of a Brenda Lee song echoed in my ears..."All alone am I, ever since your goodby...". That's how I felt after the funeral of our 33 year old daughter Lisa. It was probably a more difficult time than the week leading up to the funeral. Prior to the viewing and the service there were so many people around and things to keep me occupied. In the immediate days and weeks afterwards, there were things to do to settle affairs and to keep up with the normal things of li

The funeral may be over, but that aching emptiness still pervades the very soul. Everyday tasks still seem hard to do. Family and friends who have come from out of town begin their departures. And so the silence descends. We were not ready to begin the task of settling Lisa's affairs, but the need to do so loomed in the back of our minds. Our daughter lived in a different state from us which was an added complication. However, once again, family and friends stepped

As soon as my sister Barb heard the news about our daugher Lisa's death, she packed and made the three hour drive to be with our family. My husband, older daughter Laura, and I were too numb to function very well. Barb immediately took over---straightening the house, vaccuuming and doing dishes. She picked up fast food for us or made meals. She greeted people who were dropping off food or flowers. She also went with us to the church when we met with ministers and music d

When you're growing up with your siblings, you think that they will always be there for you and at all the family gatherings. When you get married, you have so many plans for your future together---a house, children, grandchildren, travel. When your child is born, you have so many hopes, dreams and expectations for them. But with the death of a spouse, sibling, or child, it's not the way it's supposed to be! You expect to grow old with your spouse. You expect your child

Levels of Grief After Death Both sets of my grandparents lived in a state 500 miles away. We usually saw them once a year during summer vacation, With each of their deaths, my level of grief was pretty minimal. Of course I was sad, but their deaths had little impact on my life. The deaths of my parents brought on a much higher level of grief. We were a close family, spending vacations together with my parents, sisters and their families as well as my own family. Christma

There was a time when I was at a loss when encountering someone who was experiencing grief from the significant loss of a loved one. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. And I even have to admit, there was a time or two of avoidance. An example of my discomfort took place almost eight years ago, but I still remember it clearly. The assistant librarian at the school where I taught had recently lost her six year old daughter in an accident. I wandered into th